First heart.
She liked him. She
loved him, if that’s the most suitable word to describe that throbbing feeling.
Deep down, she kept him in her heart when her parents said to cut off their
ties because he was hospitalized due to a hard fall, and his backbone might
have to bear the suffer in the future.
She was a good
daughter, the only one for them, and she knew better than to defy her parents. So
she did what they wanted. She relayed the message, for which she was sure the
guy would be broken-hearted, but she had to. She had to choose.
But hope never
left her. She still harboured the seed of hope, that one day everything will be
clear to her parents, and they would consent. But it was too late.
When her phone
rang and she saw the name, she flinched of joy, though they hadn’t talked to
each other for years, because she was a good daughter.
“Assalamualaikum.”
Her lips trembled when she tried to smile.
“Waalaikumussalam.”
She replied, didn’t know what to be said next.
His voice
sounded calm, after many years, that voice was still as vivid as she could
remember.
“How are you?”
he asked, shortly, after a deep heaving.
“I’m great. What
about you?”
“I’m... I’m
going for my akad nikah in 10 minutes.”
She was frozen. Cold
shivers suddenly started running down her neck. That couldn’t be it, no. She misheard
it.
“You...”
“I’m sorry. I know
you’re filial. There’s no way we could be together. I just want you to know,
that I have to go.” She had to sit down.
Her hands trembled,
her heart stopped, the world seemed... distant and unreal.
“I hope... you
have a happy marriage. Forgive me...” and she pressed the red button.
She couldn’t wait.
Tears were already running down without her realizing. Her chest was heavy. She
didn’t feel like breathing. She was broken apart. He left her, finally.
When she had
hopes, and hopes were all she had left when all failed. And now, he was finally
gone into another’s embrace, forever. And she was still filial.
Second heart
Loving someone
for 15 years was inevitable in marriage. No other choice was given, either
staying in marriage in love or staying apart after divorce in vain. But it was
unfortunate for her when she loved him since they were 8 out of marriage, until
two days ago.
She knew she had
to get it through him. His brother encouraged her anyway. No good will come
from a contained feeling, except pain and uncertainty, he said.
So 5 years ago, she
did, with disturbed mind and trembling hands, she conveyed it through Friendster,
and she was relieved to see the words before her eyes. It didn’t matter if he
said no. She would still be relieved. Half the burden was already lifted when
she started typing.
But the
rejection never came. She should be glad. They were in that kind of relationship,
and she felt unbelievably good. When someone you loved was with you, you could
walk through everything in life. Like a dream, her long-contained feeling was
not unrequited. Worse, it would never be unrequited.
A year passed
by, when he finally said it. He already had a girl, but he could never choose
between her and the first. Bitter. She was the second for him, and she knew how
deep first love could be. So she quietly said she understood, after weeping and
wailing so hard, and no shoulder to cry on, she withdrew willingly. She would
only want to see him happy, even from faraway, even just on the screen. She would
never dream of being the one who broke two loving hearts. And she vowed to
never look for him again, unless he would certainly be alone, and she thought
that day would never come.
Then the
shocking news dawned on her. He was alone, not by choice. Somehow, it was
impossible for him to marry her first love. When the news came, they saw each
other briefly, but she didn’t say a word. Her vow was eating her up. How could
she imagine him being miserable without his first love?
For two years,
he conveniently had chats with her once in a while, cordially asking about
life, when all she wanted was to tell him that she knew. And she finally said
it, and to no surprise, again, the rejection never came.
He wasn’t sure
she would want to be with him. His job required a man no family, but she still
insisted. She would only bid goodbye if he did, but he didn’t bid any. He held
on, so she held on tighter. She let him go on his voyage, and waited for his
return with a blooming heart.
She knew he
would come to his senses, that he would only have her, the one who held on to
her love for 15 years. He would say, he’s decided, and she would only smile
afterwards.
That’s why when
the notification popped up in the middle of her class two days ago, she couldn’t
believe her eyes.
Syamil invited you to his wedding.
She reread the
line over and over again. This must be wrong. It should be! She clicked on it
as quick as lightning. And the names appeared before her eyes.
Syamil & Zarina
Her heart
stopped beating for a second. Could this be wrong? But the words stayed still. The
longer she stared at the screen, the heavier her chest felt. Her breath became
stiff. She finally locked the screen, and her students questions sounded
distant when they were only a feet away. She held her head with her two hands. Fuzzy.
Everything seemed unreal. Her hands and feet were cold. And she still had half
an hour for the class.
She summoned her
strength with great difficulty, and tried to tutor all the way until the hour
was up, and she was finally free on her thoughts and will again.
She only wanted
to be alone. When she finally was, she pulled over and poured her heart’s
content, as loud and as hard as she could. The heavy chest finally lightened. She
drove back with tears rolling down her cheek, her vision blurred. Though dangerously,
she managed to reached her destination.
How could he? Finally,
she was ditched again. But it wasn’t the dumping that made her heart ache, but
it was him, who was never able to say it until the end, and she was crushed the
hardest way.
Rejection was
not what she feared, but she would never forgive him for not being able to say,
“I already have someone else.” But of course, the rejection never came, at
least not the way she wanted it to be.
That night, she
deleted him from her life, forever.
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Najah, I'm a bit confuse here... The first part and the second one is the same characters, right?? Sigh... If so, she should've ditch him right away... why wait for so long for him to answers??
ReplyDeleteNajah it is two different stories right. Well not everybody have good ending
ReplyDelete