Anaknya, Anakku Jua 32

Nisa' mencuci piring di sinki perlahan-lahan. Suara mak teh, mak ngah dan abah di meja makan memeriahkan suasana pagi itu menyambut kedatangan Irfan yang secara tiba-tiba itu. Suara ummi sahaja yang tidak kedengaran. Fazil juga sudah naik. Bosan makan di bawah seorang diri katanya.

“wah, beruntungnya cik Nisa' kita. Cik abang dia yang baru ni lagi handsome dari Daniel.” Pujian mak teh hampir membuatkan Nisa' tersedak. Mujur tidak ada apa di dalam mulutnya.

Nisa' berpaling sedikit, mencuri pandang ke meja. Ops! Irfan juga sedang melihat ke arahnya. Pantas Nisa' memandang ke hadapan kembali.

Cuba menumpukan sepenuh perhatian pada kerjanya walau dia tahu mustahil untuk itu berlaku. Fikirannya terganggu. Apa puncanya? Kehadiran Irfan? Atau, pujian Mak teh? Mungkin juga soalan Fazil sebentar tadi di bawah rumah. Ah, cepat Nisa' menenangkan diri.

“haah la teh. Patutlah Nisa' tinggalkan Daniel.” Sambung mak ngah pula.

Nisa' menelan liur. Tak baiknya mak ngah dan mak teh cakap macam tu. Ada rasa tidak enak di situ.

“tak lah mak ngah, mak teh.” Suara Irfan menjawab membuatkan Nisa' tersentak. Pergerakan tangannya terus terhenti. Ternanti-nanti bicara Irfan.

“Nisa' takkan tinggalkan Daniel sebab saya.” Ringkas balasan Irfan, namun cukup untuk membuatkan mak teh bertanya lagi.

“kenapa pulak macam tu?” mak teh masih mahu mengorek rahsia di sebalik hubungan Daniel dan Nisa' yang tidak menjadi.

Dengan Nisa' tak dapat, dengan Irfan pun boleh la.

Nisa' menahan debaran sendiri. Air paip yang mengalir masih mengalir, tanpa disedarinya. Namun tangannya sudah terletak elok di bahu sinki. Tidak lagi bergerak.

“sebab Nisa' tinggalkan Daniel demi Hana. Demi anak yang diamanahkan pada dia. Demi Hana juga, sebenarnya Nisa' dah hadapi macam-macam rintangan. Semuanya demi Hana. Mana mungkin Nisa' akan tinggalkan Daniel hanya kerana saya.” Nisa' menarik nafas dalam.

Bicara Irfan, apa ertinya? Jangan Irfan terlepas cakap tentang rancangan mereka. Nisa' tidak mahu itu terjadi. Tidak sekarang. Sebelum Hana menjadi anaknya sepenuhnya.

Tetapi Nisa' merasakan sesuatu di situ. Sesuatu yang lain dalam nada Irfan berbicara. Kesal? Sindiran? Atau, kesedihan? Benar, Nisa' takkan tinggalkan Daniel jika bukan kerana Hana. Amat mustahil pula Nisa' dan Daniel berpisah kerana Irfan yang baru sahaja muncul di dalam hidup mereka. Seawal kemunculan Hana.

“habis, kamu pulak, nakkan Nisa' kenapa? mak teh bukan apa, mak teh ni pelik sebenarnya. Macam cepat sangat. Hari tu, dengan Daniel dah nak bertunang. Tapi bukan main lama lagi nak bertunang. Alih-alih, Nisa' bertunang dengan orang lain. Kenduri pun sebulan dua je lagi. Itu yang mak teh pelik tu.” Lancang saja mak teh menyuarakan suara hatinya.

Kedengaran abah berdehem perlahan sebaik habis mak teh berbicara.

“teh, dah lah tu. Hal budak-budak. Lagipun, perkara baik tak elok dilambat-lambatkan.” Abah mencelah seraya mematikan suara yang lain.

Bila abah sudah bersuara, susah yang lain mahu membantah.

“tak apa, abah. Izinkan saya menjawab persoalan mak teh, boleh? Dan saya percaya, pasti yang lain juga tertanya-tanya tentang hal tu sedang saya dan Nisa', baru sangat berjumpa.” Suara Irfan kedengaran lagi.

Abah terdiam, ummi kaku di duduknya, seraya tadi menjadi pendengar setia. Fazil sudah pastinya berminat mahu tahu.

Sepi seketika.

Nisa' masih menanti penuh debar.

“baiklah. Abah harap, lepas ni, tak ada sesiapa yang akan timbulkan hal ni lagi.” Abah menegaskan.

Mak ngah terkulat-kulat, mak teh mula tidak senang duduk. Sedar adik iparnya itu tidak berapa senang dengan situasi itu.

“memang saya dan Nisa' baru sangat berjumpa. Tapi, saya rasa, mak ngah dan mak teh belum tahu, yang saya ni sebenarnya duda. Isteri saya meninggal setahun lepas.”

Abah menunduk, ummi tetap kaku, mak ngah, mak teh dan Fazil melopong.

“la, ye ke?” suara mak ngah tidak percaya.

Irfan tersenyum nipis.

Dia tahu Nisa' mendengar kerana Nisa' sedari tadi kaku di depan sinki. Sedang pili masih belum ditutup.

Dia mahu Nisa' mendengar. Namun dapatkah Nisa' menafsirkan kata-katanya kelak seperti yang dia mahukan?

“isteri saya mengandung semasa dia meninggal. 7 bulan. Saya sebabkan kemalangan yang mengorbankan isteri saya.” Sambung Irfan lagi.

“saya memang menyesal tak sudah dengan apa yang berlaku. Hidup saya gelap. Sampailah satu hari, saya jumpa Hana. Hana yang sudah menjadi yatim piatu. Hana yang seakan-akan memanggil saya supaya memegangnya.”

Irfan menelan liur, dihela nafas dalam. Nisa' bertambah kaku. Lakonan Irfan kali ini, agak melampau. Bagaimana kalau dia terlepas cakap? Nisa' resah sendiri.

“saya dapat tau, Hana dijaga oleh Nisa', yang merupakan seorang yang belum berkahwin. Masa tu, Daniel masih bersama Nisa'.” Sambung Irfan lagi.

“saya kagumi Nisa', dan saya amat menyanjung tindakannya menjaga Hana yang langsung tiada pertalian darah dengannya. Bila saya dapat tau, Nisa' dan Daniel dah berpisah, saya resah sendiri. Apa akan jadi pada Nisa' dan Hana, tanpa seorang lelaki bergelar suami dan ayah di sisi?”

Nisa' menggenggam bahu sinki kuat. Menanti butir bicara Irfan seterusnya.

“kerana itulah saya nekad menyuarakan hasrat untuk menyunting Nisa', dan Hana, supaya saya dapat menaungi mereka, dan menjadi seorang suami dan ayah, seperti yang sepatutnya saya kini, jika isteri saya tak pergi dulu.”

Nisa' menghela nafas lega. Irfan mereka cerita yang sangat bagus. Tangannya kembali bermain air dan sabun. Menyambung kerjanya yang terhenti namun telinganya masih dipasang.

“tapi itu tak bermakna saya tak mempunyai perasaan yang sepatutnya ada pada mereka yang bakal bersatu di alam perkahwinan. Saya sayangkan Hana, saya cintakan Nisa'. Sebab tulah saya di sini. kerana cinta dan kasih saya pada keduanya.”

Prang!

“Nisa'!” semua mata tertumpu pada bunyi itu. Namun Irfan lebih pantas.

Dia sudah berdiri di sisi Nisa'.

“awak ok ke?”

“hah? Oh, ok. Tak, terlepas, licin tadi.” Nisa' beralasan. Resah apabila Irfan berdiri begitu hampir dengannya.

Abah sudah menggeleng.

“hai, kamu ni Nisa', sekarang kamu tu berdarah manis. Berhati-hatilah sikit.” Tegur abah.

Ummi ikut menggeleng dan mengeluh panjang.

“hmm, ummi naik dulu.” Ummi sudah bingkas.

Mak ngah dan mak teh turut bangun. Fazil turut bangun apabila Haji Bustaman menahannya.

“kenapa bah?” soal Fazil kehairanan.

“kamu tunggu sini dengan kak Nisa' dan abang Irfan.” Arah Haji Bustaman yang sudah mengangkat punggung.

Fazil menarik muka.

‘Ala, kak Nisa' dengan abang Irfan bukan nak buat apa pun.” Fazil cuba mengelak.

Haji Bustaman menjegilkan matanya.

“mana boleh. Kamu tunggu sini.” muktamad.

Fazil duduk kembali dengan wajah tidak puas hati.

Haji Bustaman sudah menghilang ke atas.

Nisa' sudah membongkok mahu mengutip serpihan piring yang berkecai di atas lantai. Irfan turut membongkok.

“err, awak naiklah dengan Zil.” Arah Nisa'.

Irfan tersenyum nipis.

“tak apa. Saya tolong awak. Lagipun, sebab saya awak terlepas pinggan ni.”

“hah?”

“tak, tak ada apa-apa.”

“Nisa', bunyi apa yang bising-bising tadi?” suara Mala mencelah membuatkan Fazil melompat bangun dari kerusi.

“hah! Kak Mala tunggu sini?”

Mala yang sudah turun ke bawah kebingungan.

“hah?”

Namun cepat dia mengerti melihat Irfan dan Nisa' terbongkok-bongkok mengutip serpihan pinggan.

“ok, ok, pergilah naik.” Fazil menghilangkan diri tanpa menunggu lama.

“Irfan, bila sampai?” Mala menarik kerusi lalu duduk. Matanya tidak lepas dari Nisa' dan Irfan.

“baru je.”

Mala meneguk teh yang dituang ke dalam sebiji cawan kosong.

“oh, must be you who have been calling since early this morning, right?” teka Mala.

“yeah, you’re right.” Irfan sudah berdiri, begitu juga Nisa'.

Irfan membuang serpihan di tangannya ke dalam tong sampah. Diikuti Nisa'.

“Irfan, awak duduklah. Saya nak sapu dan lap kawasan ni lagi.” Arah Nisa' lagi. Dia benar-benar tidak selesa dengan Irfan berdekatannya. Entah kenapa, rasa itu semakin aneh.

“haah, Irfan. Duduklah.” Pelawa Mala yang kini sedang mengunyah pisang goreng.

Irfan mencuci tangan di sinki sebelum mengambil tempat di meja kembali. Bertentangan dengan sinki.

“kenapa awak datang Irfan? Bukan ke majlis semalam?” Mala pula mengorek.

Irfan mengerling Mala sekilas.

“saya nak outstation ke Sabah petang ni.”

“so?” tingkah Mala.

“Nisa', hati-hati, takut ada lagi serpihan tu.” Soalan Mala tidak berjawab.

Nisa' tertegun seketika. Irfan masih memerhatikannya.

“oh, ok.”

Mala mengerling Nisa' dan Irfan bersilih ganti. Cuma dia yang tahu tujuan mereka berkahwin sekarang. Dan Cuma dia mengerti mengapa Irfan mengusulkan cadanagn itu. Biar itu Cuma tekaan mindanya, dia amat yakin tekaannya itu tepat. Irfan memang ada hati dengan Nisa'.

“Irfan,”

“ya, oh, sorry, apa soalan awak tadi?”

“kenapa awak datang sini. nak outstation, so?”

“oh, saya nak jumpa Hana.” Jawapan itu mati di situ.

“tapi Hana kat atas.”

“ha?”

Mala mengunyah lagi.

“mana ada Hana kat sini. Nisa' ada la.” Mala mencucuk lagi.

Nisa' yang memegang penyapu mengerling Mala yang mengelakkan dari melihatnya. Apa pulak Mala nak buat ni?

“err, Hana tidur kan? Nantilah saya jumpa dia.”

Mala masih mengunyah. Tidak peduli dengan Nisa' yang menjelingnya.

“Hana dah bangun. Kat depan, dengan abah dan ummi.” Jawab Mala lagi.

“Hana dah bangun?” serentak Nisa' dan Irfan bertanya.

Mala angguk malas. Hmm, diorang berdua ni memang menyesakkan kepala aku. Dah suka mengaku je, kenapa masih berselindung?

“Irfan, I know you’re here not because of Hana. Right?” bicara Mala seterusnya membuatkan Nisa' menjegilkan matanya.

“Mala!”

“what?” Mala berpura-pura tidak mengerti.

Irfan meneguk tehnya yang masih bersisa. Bingkas.

“err, saya naik atas dulu. Jumpa Hana.” Irfan meminta diri. Kalut.

Sebaik Irfan menghilang ke atas, Nisa' tidak menunggu lama.

“ouch! Sakitlah!” Mala mengusap lengan yang perit akibat cubitan Nisa'.

“padan muka! Kau ni saja kan, nak bagi aku marah?” ujar Nisa' geram. Dia sudah duduk di kerusi Irfan tadi.

Mala mencebik.

“of course not. Aku Cuma nak buktikan teori aku. Tu je.” Selamba balasan Mala.

“what theory miss Mala?”

“theory yang dia buat semua ni not merely because of Hana. But because he loves you!”

Satu lagi cubitan singgah di lengan Mala.

“Nisa'! sakitlah!”

Nisa' mengetap bibir.

“kat sini, teori kau tak laku, ok? Kau ni kan, nak cari pasal pun, tunggulah kat rumah aku. At least, jauh dari keluarga. Kalau pecah rahsia macam mana?” marah Nisa' separuh berbisik.

Mala mencebik lagi.

“Nisa', betul, he loves you!” Mala masih mahu menegaskan.

“no!”

“kalau tak, kenapa dia nak datang sini pagi-pagi buta ni? kau ingat sebab Hana saja ke? Sebab ummi Hana jugak tau!”

“taklah.” Nisa' menepis lagi. Namun kali ini, suaranya tidak seyakin tadi.

“yelah Nisa'.” Mala masih tidak mahu mengalah.

Nisa' menggeleng lagi.

“Mala, dia kan dah ada kekasih. Aku dah jumpa pun orangnya semalam.”

Giliran Mala pula terkejut.

“hah? Dia ada semalam? Kenapa tak cakap dengan aku?”

“sebab aku tak sure jugak.”

“laa, macam mana kau tau tu orangnya?”

Nisa' menggeleng lagi.

“aku Tanya Irfan. Dia tak nak beritahu. Lagipun, that girl nampak rapat dengan ibu Irfan,”

Mala memicingkan matanya.

“bukan dia kot?”

“kalau bukan dia, kenapa Irfan nak berselindung dari aku?”

“ye ke? Dia mengelak ke?”

“hmm, lebih kurang macam tu lah.”

Mala terdiam sejenak.

“lepas dia mengelak kau buat apa?”

“aku terus cakap nak tidur. Malas lah aku nak sibuk bertanya kalau dia tak nak cakap.”

“ye ke?” soal Mala agak kuat.

Nisa' terdorong ke belakang sedikit.

“yelah, takkan tipu kot?” jengkel pula Nisa' dengan bicara Mala begitu.

Mala pula tersenyum lebar tiba-tiba.

“patutlah!”

Nisa' mengerutkan dahinya.

“patutlah dia datang terus pagi ni! dia tak ada cakap nak datang pun kan sebelum ni?”

Nisa' angguk lambat-lambat.

“sebab tu lah dia datang!” Mala terus menerus menyokong kata-katanya sendiri. Membuatkan Nisa' bertambah tertanya-tanya.

“ apa kau cakap ni? tak faham aku!”

Mala tersenyum lagi.

“cik Nisa', cik abang awak tu datang sebab dia risau buah hati dia kecil hati dengan dia semalam!”

“hah?” melopong Nisa'.

Anaknya, Anakku Jua 31

“abang Irfan! Bila abang sampai?” Fazil sudah berdiri mendapatkan Irfan. Nisa' masih di duduknya, tidak berganjak.

Pisang goreng di tangan direnung. Entah kenapa, sejak beberapa hari ini, perasaannya tidak tenteram. Apatah lagi bila Irfan berdekatan.

Irfan dan Fazil beriringan ke pangkin.

“baru je. Abang call kak Nisa' dia tak angkat.” Beritahu Irfan kepada Fazil, namun ianya lebih kepada soalan pada Nisa'. Kenapa tak angkat telefon?

Fazil berpaling pada Nisa'.

“ye ke kak Nisa'? kenapa akak tak angkat?” soal Fazil kehairanan.

Nisa' tergamam.

“ah, err,” Nisa' menggaru kepala yang tidak gatal.

Irfan mengambil tempat di hadapan Nisa', sementara Fazil di antara mereka.

“makan bang.” Pelawa Fazil.

Irfan angguk saja. Matanya masih tidak lepas dari Nisa'. Nisa' masih menunduk. Pisang goreng direnung, bukan digigit dan dimakan.

“alamak!” tiba-tiba Fazil menepuk dahi.

“kenapa Zil?” soal Nisa' hairan.

Fazil tersengih-sengih sendiri.

“nak ambil cawan lagi. Untuk abang Irfan. Kejap, Zil naik kejap.” Fazil terus turun dari pangkin dan berlari ke tangga naik ke atas.

Nisa' bertambah tak keruan. Dia menunduk kembali.

“kenapa tenung je pisang tu? Makanla.” Tegur Irfan.

Nisa' tersentak.

“hah, oh, haah.” Digigit sedikit. Jelas seleranya sudah terbang. Soalan-soalan Fazil kembali bermain di fikiran. Kenapa aku nak kahwin dengan Irfan?

“kenapa tak angkat call?” soal Irfan.

Nisa' mengangkat muka, bertentang mata dengan Irfan yang jelas menanti jawapan.

“err, handphone dalam bilik. Saya kat dapur tadi.” Nisa' beralasan.

“kenapa tak call balik?” soal Irfan lagi.

Nisa' menunduk kembali.

Tidak tahu jawapan apa yang patut diberikan.

“awak marah ke?” Irfan masih tidak berputus asa.

“hah? Marah? kenapa saya nak marah?” mata mereka bertentangan lagi namun pantas Nisa' melarikan matanya.

Irfan tersenyum. Nisa' sudah berubah. Semakin pemalu orangnya. Kenapa ya? Yang jelas, dia suka melihat Nisa' begini.

“tak ada apa-apa.” Jawab Irfan. Dicapai sekeping pisang goreng dan digigitnya.

“kenapa awak datang?” giliran Nisa' pula menyoal.

Irfan mengunyah tenang. Pandangannya terarah ke halaman rumah.

“sebab risaukan orang tu.” Jawab Irfan tanpa memandang Nisa'.

“ha?”

“tak ada apa-apa. Rindukan Hana.” Kali ini, Irfan berpaling ke arah Nisa' dan suaranya lebih jelas.

Nisa' angguk.

“oh.” Itu sahaja yang terkeluar dari mulutnya.

Irfan tersenyum nipis melihat reaksi Nisa'.

“kenapa? saya tak boleh datang ke?”

Pantas Nisa' mengangkat tangan, dihayun ke kanan kiri.

“eh, tak, tak, saja Tanya.” Alamak. Kenapa gelabah semacam je aku ni? Nisa'! be strong!

Irfan mengunyah lagi.

“Hana mana?” Irfan bertanya lagi.

Nisa' mengarahkan matanya ke atas.

“atas. Tidur lagi. Dengan Mala.”

Irfan mengangguk.

Mana Fazil ni? lama pulak ambil cawan saja pun. Nisa' menggigit lagi pisang goreng di tangan. Hujung-hujung sahaja.

Sepi. Cuma kedengaran bunyi mulut Irfan mengunyah.

“saya nak ke Sabah.” Tiba-tiba suara Irfan memecah hening.

Kunyahan Nisa' hampir terhenti.

“ya? Bila?” dikuatkan suaranya supaya tidak menzahirkan bicara hati.

“petang ni.”

“oh.”

“oh je?”

“habis?”

Irfan tersenyum nipis. Sedar dia mengharap lebih dari yang layak diberi padanya.

“sebab tu awak datang? Awak baru plan nak pergi ke?”

“tak, dah lama.”

Dah lama? Tak pernah pun dengar pasal plan ni.

“ye ke? Oh.”

“awak ok ke?”

“ok, kenapa?”

“pisang awak tak habis-habis lagi dari tadi. Awak makan ke tak?”

Nisa' memandang pisangnya sepi.

“tak, tak lapar.”

“tak lapar? Awak cukup tidur tak?”

“cukup. Kenapa?”

“macam tak bermaya je.”

“tak, saya ok.”

“penat semalam?”

“hmm.”

“tu belum lagi kenduri betul. Jadi pengantin pun penat tau. Saya nak awak dapatkan rehat secukupnya. Ok?”

“hmm.”

Irfan terdiam sekejap. Perubahan wajah Nisa' mengganggu perasaannya. Kenapa?

Deringan telefon bimbit Nisa' membuatkan mereka tersentak. Kebetulan telefon itu berhampiran dengan Irfan. Sebelum sempat Nisa' mencapainya, Irfan sempat menjeling nama yang tertera.

Melihat nama pemanggil, Nisa' pantas turun dari pangkin.

“awak tak nak naik ke?” ajak Nisa'.

Irfan geleng.

“tak apa, awak jawab call tu. Saya tunggu Fazil kat sini.”

Nisa' kelihatan serba salah.

“kalau macam tu, saya naik dulu.” Nisa' berlari anak naik ke atas membuatkan Irfan bertambah hairan.

Tak lama menunggu, Fazil turun.

“la, mana kak Nisa'?” soal Fazil melihat Irfan keseorangan di situ.

Irfan jungkit bahu.

“atas. Jawab call.”

“oo.” Fazil mengambil tempat kembali dan cawan Irfan diletakkan di dalam talam. Dituang air teh ke dalam cawan itu.

“bang Irfan, minum.”

“ok, thanks.” Irfan mencapai cawannya dan dibawa ke mulut. Diteguk seteguk dua.

“Zil, abang nak Tanya sikit.”

Fazil yang sedang enak mengunyah pisang goreng menentang mata Irfan.

“apa dia bang?” hampir tak kedengaran suara Fazil kerana mulutnya penuh.

“Makcik Kamariah, siapa?”

Fazil berfikir sejenak sebelum tersenyum lebar.

“oh, yang tu. Makcik Kamariah tu, mak abang Daniel.”

Irfan terangguk-angguk sendiri.

“kenapa bang?”

Irfan menggeleng.

“tak ada apa-apa.”

“mana abang dengar nama tu?” Tanya Fazil hairan.

“err, kak Nisa' tersebut tadi.” Bohong Irfan.

Yang jelas, dia sendiri tertanya-tanya. Mengapa Nisa' berlari ke atas demi menjawab panggilan Makcik Kamariah? Mungkinkah, mereka berbicara tentang Daniel?

Tapi, Nisa' tak ada pula sebut pasal Daniel. Kenapa ya? Irfan menelan liur.

“bang,”

“hmm,” Irfan menoleh ke Fazil.

“Zil nak Tanya sikit, boleh?”

Berkerut dahi Irfan.

“Tanya apa?”

Fazil tersengih-sengih.

“pasal kak Nisa'.”

Irfan turut tersenyum hairan.

“kak Nisa'? kenapa dengan dia?”

Fazil meneguk airnya seteguk dua.

“abang suka apa dengan kak Nisa' tu?”

“hah?” Irfan ketawa kecil.

Fazil turut tersengih.

“tadi, Zil dah Tanya kak Nisa', apa yang dia suka dengan abang.”

Hmm, menarik!

“apa kak Nisa' jawab?”

Senyuman Fazil pudar. Sebaliknya, raut wajah hairan dipamerkan.

“dia jawab entah. Teruk kan kak Nisa' tu?” rungut Fazil sambil menggigit sekeping lagi pisang goreng.

Irfan ketawa lagi. Entah?

“tu je yang dia jawab?”

Fazil angguk bersungguh.

“haah bang. Betul.”

Ketawa Irfan masih bersisa. Mana mungkin Nisa' dapat menjawab soalan itu. Nisa' tak pernah sukakan Irfan, suka yang sebetulnya. Mereka di sini Cuma untuk satu tujuan, Hana. Namun lain pula bagi Irfan.

“so, sekarang, Zil nak tau la kenapa abang suka kat Nisa'?”

Fazil sengih lagi.

“haah. Rahsia kita bang. Zil tak beritahu orang lain. Sumpah!” Fazil mengangkat tangan, memberi ikrar.

Irfan tersenyum lagi. Ditarik nafas dalam.

“abang suka dia, sebab dia ialah dia. Masa abang tengok dia first time, abang dah tertarik. Bila abang tau dia jaga Hana sedangkan dia sendiri masih belum berkahwin, abang bertambah kagum. Dia, tabah. Kuat semangat. Walaupun, kadang-kadang dia macam, kelam-kabut sikit. Tapi itu daya penarik dia. Abang tak pernah dengar dia merungut tentang Hana. Sebaliknya, dia sanggup korbankan hidup dia, semata-mata kerana Hana. Itu yang membuatkan abang tertarik dengan kak Nisa'.”

“wah! Best betul la abang ni! beruntung kak Nisa' dapat bakal suami macam abang!” Fazil siap bertepuk tangan.

Irfan menunduk seraya tersenyum.

“sebab tu ke abang datang sini? abang rindu dia kan?” usik Fazil.

Irfan tidak menjawab sebaliknya dia membalas usikan itu dengan senyum lebar sehingga menampakkan giginya.

“abang nak jumpa dia sebelum abang pergi Sabah.” Balas Irfan.

Melopong mulut Fazil.

“oo,”

“Zil nak tau, abang tak rasa abang sanggup kehilangan dia, tapi, mungkin abang terpaksa bersedia untuk semua tu.” Irfan berbicara lagi di luar sedarnya.

“kenapa abang cakap macam tu?”

Tersedar dia sudah terlepas kata, Irfan menggaru kepala yang tidak gatal.

“err, yelah, kita ni manusia. Kalaupun kekal dalam perkahwinan, ajal maut di tangan Tuhan. Betul tak?”

Fazil terangguk-angguk.

“betul tu.”

Irfan melepaskan nafas lega dalam diam.

“Irfan!” Irfan mendongak, bertatapan mata dengan Nisa' yang berdiri di anak tangga paling bawah.

“jom, naik. Abah panggil.”

Irfan mengangguk. Turun dari pangkin.

“Zil, abang naik dulu.”

“ok, bang.”

Irfan mengatur langkah ke tangga. Menurut Nisa' yang sudah naik ke atas semula.

Anaknya, Anakku Jua 30

Nisa' bangun pagi itu dengan badan yang sengal lantaran majlis merisik dan meminang semalam.

Apabila dia ke dapur pagi itu, mak ngah dan mak teh sudah di meja makan. ummi sedang membuat minuman. Nisa' cepat mendapatkan ummi.

‘ummi, Nisa' buat air. Ummi duduklah.’ Pinta Nisa'.

Hajah Rubiah menurut saja tanpa membalas sepatah pun.

Nisa' meneruskan kerja Hajah Rubiah. Mak ngah dan mak teh sibuk bercerita. Perkara biasa bila dua beradik itu sudah berjumpa. Haji Bustaman anak tunggal. Hajah Rubiah anak bongsu dari empat beradik.

Nisa' tersentak apabila namanya menjadi sebutan mak ngah.

‘Nisa' tu bukan ke hari tu nak kahwin dengan budak lain? Apa ke namanya, Danish, Darwin?’

‘Daniel la.’ Mak teh membetulkan.

‘ha, Daniel. Kenapa tiba-tiba dengan orang lain pulak? Hari tu dengarnya macam dah nak bertunang, kan Biah?’ mak ngah bertanya lagi.

Nisa' mengetap bibir. Serba salah dan geram juga bila dirinya menjadi bualan sedang dia masih di situ. Tanya aku terus tak boleh? Aduh, makcik-makcikku.

Nisa' menanti suara ummi menjawab, tapi keluhan panjang yang kedengaran.

‘hai, entahlah kak teh oi. Tuan punya badan kat sini. teh Tanya jelah dia sendiri. Saya tak kuasa nak menjawab.’ Nisa' menarik nafas dalam.

Ummi sudah malas mahu bertekak. Nisa' tahu.

Air teh sudah siap. Lantas diambil beberapa biji cawan dan dulang, disusun cawan dan jag di dalam dulang sebelum dibawa ke meja.

Beberapa biji mata tajam memerhatikannya.

‘hah, Nisa', duduklah. Mak teh kau dengan mak ngah banyak benda nak Tanya ni.’

Nisa' senyum tawar. Ditarik kerusi lalu duduk. Dia tahu kali ini dia membawa banyak kejutan kepada keluarganya. Selalunya, dia yang paling diam dan low profile. Tak seperti abangnya.
Nizar.

Teringat pula Nisa' pada abangnya yang seorang itu. Nizar sudah berkahwin, dan sekarang menetap di Sabah. Ummi bertegang urat dengannya kali terakhir Nizar balik 3 tahun lepas kerana Nizar turutkan kemahuan isterinya yang merupakan anak jati Sabah dan menetap di sana. Kini setelah 3 tahun, masih tiada berita dari Nizar. Nisa' dan Nizar rapat juga, tapi selepas 3 tahun lepas, mereka bertambah renggang.

Nizar juga mengelak dari Nisa'. Nisa' tahu Nizar lebih kepada malu, dan ego kerana dia sendiri yang menjauhkan diri dari keluarga. Entah sudah berapa anaknya. Nisa' tidak tahu. Entah Nisa' mahu berkahwin ini dia tahu atau tidak, juga Nisa' tidak pasti.

Sedih juga. Keluarganya Cuma beberapa orang, dan kini sudah berkurang.

‘Nisa',’ suara ummi mengejutkan Nisa' dari lamunan.

‘ya ummi,’

‘mak teh kamu Tanya tu.’

Nisa' malu sendiri. Dihalakan pandangan pada mak teh yang Cuma mempunyai dua anak dan kedua-duanya sudah berkahwin.

‘apa mak teh Tanya tadi? Sorry, Nisa' tak dengar.’ Nisa' mengakui salahnya.
Mak teh senyum penuh makna.

‘ai, teringat cik abang dah ke?’ usik mak teh. Mak ngah senyum lebar.
Nisa' menunduk seketika.

‘tak lah, teringat abang Nizar.’ Akui Nisa'.

Nama yang meniti di bibir Nisa' membuatkan Hajah Rubiah tersedak.

‘ummi, ummi ok ke?’ Nisa' menepuk-nepuk belakang umminya perlahan.
Hajah Rubiah mengangguk.

‘ok, ok.’ Wajahnya kelat.

‘kamu jangan sebut nama anak derhaka tu.’ Tegah ummi. Nisa' diam. Mak teh dan mak ngah jungkit bahu. Malas mahu masuk campur hal keluarga.

‘ummi, sudah-sudahlah tu.’ Balas Nisa' perlahan.

‘apa yang sudah? Tak betul dia anak derhaka? Turutkan isteri lebih dari ummi nya sendiri. Isteri dia siapa? Ada isteri dia lahirkan dia? Susukan dia?’ ah, sudah. Menyesal Nisa' bangkitkan nama Nizar.

Nisa' mengambil keputusan untuk tidak menjawab lagi. Biar ummi sejuk sendiri.

‘err, mak teh Tanya apa tadi?’ maaf ummi, Nisa' terpaksa ubah topic.

Mak teh teragak-agak mahu menjawab. Bimbang adik bongsunya itu mengamuk pula apabila kata-katanya tidak diendahkan Nisa'.

Nisa' tersenyum.

‘mak teh Tanya apa tadi?’ soal Nisa' lagi, tanda dia pasti dengan tindakannya. Nyata, Hajah Rubiah tidak mencelah bicara Nisa', sebaliknya dia kembali meneguk tehnya.

‘kamu ni, hari tu bukan ke dengan Daniel?’ soal mak teh terus.

‘haah Nisa', hari tu mak ngah dengar dah nak tunang dah, alih-alih mak kamu panggil kami datang, kamu dengan orang lain.’ Tambah mak ngah pula.
Nisa' tersenyum lagi.

‘mak teh, mak ngah, jodoh kita tak tau. Kalau bercinta bagai nak rak pun, kalau tak berjodoh takkan ke mana. Anggap jelah kami tak ada jodoh.’ Ringkas jawapan Nisa'.

‘sebab anak angkat kamu ke Daniel dengan kamu berpisah?’ soalan mak ngah yang seterusnya menikam terus ke jantung, membuatkan Nisa' terdiam.

‘anak angkat kamu tu anak siapa sebenarnya? Mak teh ni bukan apa, baik kami bertanya dari kamu sebelum kami dengar dari orang lain. Aku ni, jahat-jahat mulut aku, aku tak nak memfitnah anak saudara sendiri. Baik kamu cerita je dengan kami.’ Yakin suara mak teh.

Nisa' memandang kedua-dua makciknya silih berganti. Pastinya mereka akan bertanya tentang Hana, Cuma lambat atau cepat saja. Semalam, Nisa' sampai di waktu keadaan agak kelam-kabut, dan mereka tidak sempat duduk bersembang. Tentunya banyak yang mahu mereka tahu, tambah pula apabila Nisa' pulang bersama seorang bayi.

‘dia anak kawan. Arwah kawan Nisa'. Parents Hana dua-dua dah tak ada.’ Ringkas.
Mak teh mengangguk-angguk. Mak ngah melopong.

‘ye ke? Kesiannya. Macam mana diorang meninggal?’ soal mak teh lagi.
Hajah Rubiah menjeling Nisa' dari ekor matanya. Jelas masih tidak selesa dengan topic ‘Hana’.

‘ayah dia meninggal masa dia dalam perut lagi, barah otak.’ Nisa' berhenti seketika, teringatkan arwah Badri. Ada sebak yang menyusul namun cepat dihilangkan. Dia harus tabah!

‘mak nya pulak?’ mak ngah pula tidak sabar-sabar.

‘lepas melahirkan sejam dua, terus meninggal. Barah rahim.’ Jawab Nisa' tenang.

‘innalillahiwainnailaihiraji’uun.’ Kedua-duanya mengucap serentak. Nisa' tertunduk merenung kaki meja.

‘kamu memang nak bela dia?’ soal mak teh lagi.
Nisa' angguk.

‘haah, Nisa' akan jaga dia.’ Yakin.

‘bakal suami kamu dah tahu pasal dia?’

‘Irfan? Haah, tau semuanya. Kami kenal pun masa sebab Nisa' hantar Hana ke rumah Mak Su dia. Mak Su dia jaga Hana hari Nisa' bekerja.’ Jelas Nisa' lagi.
Mak teh terangguk lagi bagai burung belatuk.

Teringatkan Irfan, dan perbualan mereka semalam. Tanpa sedar, Nisa' mengeluh perlahan.

‘kak,’ suara Fazil membuatkan yang lain memandang ke arah tangga.

‘apa Zil?’ pantas Nisa' bingkas mendapatkan Fazil yang masih mamai, dengan tuala di bahu.

‘kak Mala panggil.’ Beritahu Fazil sebelum dia melangkah turun ke bawah. Nisa' pantas berlari naik tanpa menunggu lagi.

‘ya Mala?’ Nisa' menerpa ke dalam bilik, mendapatkan Mala yang sedang bermalasan di atas katil. Hana masih tidur. Apa halnya ni?

‘handphone kau, menjerit-jerit dari tadi, sakit telinga aku nak tidur tau, anak kau ni pun nak tidur jugak. Ambik telefon tu bawak keluar.’ Suara Mala jelas menunjukkan dia terganggu.
Nisa' ketawa kecil.

‘ops! Sorry, sorry.’ Nisa' mencapai telefon di meja solek dan dibawa keluar.

4 missed calls. Irfan?

Nisa' tersandar di daun pintu. Berkira-kira mahu menelefon atau tidak.

‘hah, termenung apa tu?’ teguran abah membuatkan Nisa' tersentak.

‘Allah, abah, terkejut Nisa'.’ Ujar Nisa' geram.

Abah Cuma tersenyum. Baru balik dari kebun lah tu, bagi makan ayam itik dia. Nisa' membuat kesimpulan sendiri.

‘eh, abah pulak salah, kamu tu termenung tepi pintu buat apa?’ balas abah seraya duduk di sofa, melepaskan lelah.

Nisa' turut duduk. Dipandang skrin telefon yang sudah tertera nombor Irfan. Nak call ke tak?
Haji Bustaman yang sedari tadi memerhatikan Nisa' berdehem perlahan. Membuatkan Nisa' menoleh.

‘abah nak minum? Ummi, mak ngah dengan mak teh kat bawah. Tengah minum.’ Beritahu Nisa' tanpa diminta.

‘Fazil dah bangun?’ soal abah tanpa menjawab soalan Nisa'.

Nisa' angguk.

‘dah. Baru je.’

‘hmm,’

Sepi sebentar sebelum Haji Bustaman berdehem lagi.

‘Nisa',’

‘ya abah.’ Nisa' menentang seraut wajah tenang abahnya itu. Menanti bicara abah.

‘Irfan tu, baik orangnya.’

‘ha?’

Tiba-tiba sebut nama Irfan, apa halnya ni? Nisa' mula tak keruan.

‘kenapa abah, tiba-tiba sebut nama dia?’ soal Nisa' lambat-lambat.

Abah menarik nafas dalam sebelum dilepaskan perlahan. Nisa' masih menanti.

‘tiba-tiba abah teringatkan dia.’ Ringkas jawapan abah.

‘abah, kenapa ni?’ soal Nisa' lagi, tak puas hati.

Abah senyum nipis.

‘tak ada apa-apa. Cuma abah harap kamu jadi kahwin kali ni. abah dah penat nak buat interview dengan bakal suami kamu.’ Seraya berlucu, abah bingkas meninggalkan Nisa' termangu-mangu.

Apa hal abah ni? dah penat buat interview? Hmm, abah, maafkan Nisa', mungkin lepas ni dah tak ada interview, sebab Nisa' mungkin takkan berkahwin lagi, selepas kami bercerai. Nisa' mengeluh lagi.

‘hai kak, dah nak kahwin apa muka macam tu?’ teguran Fazil membuatkan Nisa' mendongak.

Fazil yang sudah siap mandi berdiri di depan pintu bilik nya, di sebelah bilik Nisa' yang juga bertentangan dengan ruang tamu.

‘ada lah, Zil mana tahu.’ Jawab Nisa' seraya bangun menuju ke pintu rumah.

‘kak,’

‘hmm,’ Nisa' berpaling.

Fazil sengih meleret.

‘kita melepak sama-sama hari ni nak?’ cadang Fazil.

Nisa' mengangkat kening.

‘melepak? Kat mana?’

‘alah, kat bawahlah. Bukan apa, akak kan dah nak kahwin. Dah ada anak dah pun sebelum
kahwin. Bila lagi kita nak melepak buat kali terakhir, kan? Kan?’ Fazil dengan nada sedih dan muka yang monyok membuatkan Nisa' tertawa.

‘hai, Zil ni, ada-ada je. Hmm, oklah. Cepat pakai baju. Akak tunggu kat bawah.’ Nisa' masuk ke bililk dan dicapai tudungnya. Mujur kali ini pak ngah dan pak teh tidak datang. Pak long sekeluarga juga tidak datang. Namun pak long telah berjanji dengan abah untuk datang di hari kenduri kelak.

Salah Nisa' jugak. Semuanya dibuat dalam keadaan terburu-buru. Beginilah jadinya. Saudara pun tidak ramai yang boleh datang. Cuma jiran-jiran kampung saja yang ramai membantu.

Nisa' sudah turun ke bawah rumah.

10 minit kemudian, Fazil turun bersama sepiring pisang goreng, jag air kecil dan sebiji cawan.

‘aik, satu cawan je?’ tegur Nisa' sebaik Fazil duduk di atas pangkin.

Fazil sengih saja.

‘share la. Takkan tak biasa kot?’ balas Fazil.

Nisa' tersenyum lagi.

‘ok, ok. Saja je mengusik.’ Ujar Nisa'. Diambil sekeping pisang dan digigitnya. Fazil turut berbuat demikian.

Sepi seketika.

‘kak,’

‘hmm,’

‘macam mana akak kenal abang Irfan tu?’

‘hah?’ Nisa' tersedak sedikit. Lantas dicapai jag dan dituang air ke dalam cawan. Dibawa cawan ke mulut dan diteguk laju.

‘amboi, baru sebut nama dah tersedak. Kahwin nanti macam mana pulak la.’ Usik Fazil.

‘Zil!’ tegur Nisa'.

Fazil senyum lebar.

‘kak, Zil nak tau ni. akak dengan abang Daniel tiba-tiba senyap, tup-tup nak kahwin dengan abang Irfan yang baru datang ke rumah sekali. Macam mana tu?’ Fazil memanjangkan soalannya.

Nisa' mengunyah perlahan.

‘entah lah Zil. Jodoh kot?’ itu saja jawapannya.
Fazil merenung Nisa' tajam.

‘akak, Zil nak jawapan yang betul. Bukan apa, Zil ni ada sorang je abang dan kakak. Abang dah tak balik-balik, kakak dah nak kahwin. Tinggal Zil sorang-sorang. Zil kalau boleh nak kita macam dulu. Tapi Zil tau tu mustahil.’ Keluh Fazil membuatkan Nisa' terdiam.

‘ala, Zil, akak kahwin, Zil dapat abang baru. Tak best ke abang Irfan tu?’ Nisa' memujuk.

‘akak suka apa dengan abang Irfan tu?’

‘ha??’ Nisa' terlopong sekejap.

‘err, akak, suka...’

‘ala akak ni. dia sendiri tak tau apa yang dia suka kat orang yang jadi tunang dia, lepas tu akak Tanya Zil pasal abang Irfan. Macam mana Zil nak jawab??’ Fazil memulangkan paku buah keras.
Nisa' terdiam, digaru kepala yang tak gatal. Betul jugak.

‘akak, suka dia, sebab, dia baik.’ Itu saja.

‘tu je?’

‘la, nak banyak mana?’

‘ish akak ni. boringla. Orang suka seseorang sebab rupa dia ke, dia pemurah, pemarah, eh, silap, peramah, mesra alam, pandai ambil hati, ha, macam tu la. Akak suka dia sebab baik je? Bosan la.’ Fazil mencucuk lagi.

Nisa' terdiam lagi. Selama ini, tidak pernah soalan itu timbul. Selain dari dia berkahwin kerana Hana, Nisa' tidak pernah ada jawapan lain.

Sebab apa?

‘sebab dia handsome?’ Fazil bertanya lagi.

Nisa' terdiam. Handsome ke? Ish, tak perasan la pulak.

‘entah. Zil rasa dia handsome ke?’ Nisa' memulangkan kembali soalan itu, membuatkan Fazil merengus perlahan.

‘ya Allah, tunang dia, Tanya kita. Kan akak yang nak kahwin dengan dia? Takkan tak perasan dia tu macam mana?’ marah Fazil, lebih kepada tidak percaya.
Nisa' geleng.

‘tak la Zil. Akak tak pernah perasan pun.’ Jawab Nisa' jujur.

‘perasan apa?’ suara yang datang dari depan rumah membuatkan Nisa' dan Fazil sama-sama menoleh.

Nisa' terlopong.

‘Irfan!’

‘assalamualaikum Nisa'.’ Sebaris senyuman menghiasi wajahnya.

Kala itu Nisa' sedar, Irfan agak kacak juga. Aish! Nisa'! baru nak tau?

Of Me, a can boy and Him....

I flipped the pages of my book patiently, one by one. I wasn’t actually reading but it was more like browsing what’s the content was all about. I just bought the book from the SACC Shah Alam MPH. A thriller novel by John Grisham entitled ‘The Runaway Jury’. I heard that it was a great story, another great job by Grisham. Well, I’ve always admired his work but I didn’t really have the time to read, and that’s my problem. Time constraint.

Even right now, my precious time was flying away from me as I had to wait for him. My fiancé, the one I was supposed to love. Well, I loved him but if I could ever get anyone better, I might have left him for his disbelieving in punctuality. No wonder he was working as a freelance photographer. Lucky him his photos were highly demanded. If it’s otherwise, well, hi, hi, bye, bye!

As I waited here on the bench, I wandered my eyes around. Evenings in Shah Alam Lake Park are always welcoming. Coming here once was not enough for me when I first came here. Squirrels ran up and down the trees for food given by generous visitors. But I never did that. Not me. I enjoyed looking at them but I didn’t want to trouble myself feeding them. Sighed.

"hi!" I looked up. He stood right in front of me, holding a plastic of canned drinks, and few packets of sandwiches.

"hi dear, you’re early. Again." Sarcasm was me. I guess.

He smiled, as usual. One innocent smile.

And I smiled back. I thrust the book into my handbag. Looking at him.

"so, where are you taking me this time?"

He didn’t answer straight away. He made this action of thinking deeply before directing his gaze upon me again.

"let’s just take a walk for a while."

I nodded, unsure.

"ok. I’m ok with that."

I stood up and joined him in the walkway. He took out a cool canned soy drink from the plastic and handed it over to me. I took it, thanked him because then I remembered I was actually very thirsty. I opened the can and looked at him again.

"straw?"

He looked puzzled for a while before he reached inside the plastic bag again. There’s no way he had forgotten that I wasn’t going to drink this like people always did, as if you’re drinking from a glass. It’s improper for me, as a woman.

"oh, here you go."

"thanks." I took the straw and pushed it into the hole of my can and started drinking it.

I glanced over my shoulder to quietly look at him while he was drinking. Handsome? Well, for me he was a very handsome guy. He had a very long dark hair tied back neatly, sideburns for each side of his face and not to forgotten a goatee. One more thing for sure, he was neat and tidy, and he smelled nice. That’s why I liked being with him. He didn’t annoy me with his appearance.

But of course I had never told him all these. It’s better for him not to know.

"well, Dian, we are getting married by the end of this year." Suddenly he said something.

I nodded. The straw was still in my mouth.

"so?" I was waiting.

He smiled again. Warm smile.

"I just would like to know, how would our, you know house arrangement would be. The house that we are going to live in soon after we got married." Yet, I didn’t get his point.

I was getting really impatient. Remember, time management for me was important!

"Azmil, what is it that you are trying to tell me?" I urged him, and our steps became smaller as we talked.

He took a deep breath, but he still didn’t look at me. He averted his eyes and I knew straight away this must be something that can be considered as a sensitive issue for me and something I didn’t like to talk about. The smile also disappeared slowly.

"well, Dian, it’s your, brother." Slowly, the words came out.

I hesitated for a while.

"what about him?" I asked again.

This time, he looked straight into my eyes.

"will he live with us when we get married? You know your mother can’t take care of him anymore. She is getting older." Finally.

I took my eyes away from him.

My brother. Was it what this was all about? My brother? His welfare, his life after we get married?

Well, I haven’t told you about my brother. My younger brother, and my only sibling. He was suffering from syndrome down. And at the age of 21, he couldn’t get himself straight, let alone manage himself. Right now, he was staying with my 65-years-old mother. My father passed away long before I graduated. Well, I had everything in life, but my brother only had me, and my mother, that if he could realize that. That’s all he had got.

Despite the fact that I was the one who was supposed to take care of my folk and retarded brother, I wouldn’t like the idea of having my half-sane brother and my old mother with me as I was increasing the number of member in my very own family.

And I didn’t want him also to feel uncomfortable with my family around us every second at almost every corner of the house.

"do you want me to let him stay with my mother? And hire a maid for them instead of having them in the house?" I asked him and I demanded for a frank answer. He had always been kind for my brother and my mother and I didn’t see any sign of nodding with my suggestion there.

He glanced over his can of Pepsi and smiled, again. As usual. The usual him. The normal him.

"no, I was just asking Dian. I’m not mad by the idea of having them around us in the same house later on. It was merely a question of confirmation so that you and I could plan something with them together in the picture. Ok?"

I didn’t answer. I was mad actually, because he would never protect and stand for his own right when I wished him to do so. After all, our own life was in concern. Not only mum’s and Dini’s life. I strongly disagree with that.

"why wouldn’t you say “Dian, I will follow you as you wish, after all, it’s your family, not mine.”? Then it would be easier for me to make the decision." I raised my voice, inadvertently.

I was angry. I turned my head away from him, as a sign of mad. I heard his sigh. Now he was about to take back his words. And I would win, as usual.

"Dian," I kept still, not looking at him, not even an inch I moved. We had stopped walking. Now standing right beside a huge tree. I didn’t know its name.

"Dian please. Ok, I’m sorry. Up to you, do as you wish. Ok?" got him!

I turned my head to his direction.

"sure?" I asked again.

He nodded.

"yes dear, do as you wish. I won’t stop you." Finally he gave in.

"ok," I smiled, awkwardly. And he smiled back.

"let’s sit here. We can eat the sandwich." He suggested. Without waiting for my answer, he had sat down on the green grass beside me.

I sat down too, and eventually, things turned back to normal. We ate, we laugh, and we chatted over sandwich and canned drinks.

What was my plan actually? Well, it’s not that I was being ungrateful or whatsoever, but it’s just that I wasn't that kind of girlfriend who would give my all to Azmil before we were legally husband and wife. So, when we were married, I would want my life that was going to be shared with him to be something memorable for him, and for me too.

Whatever it was, how was I going to achieve my life plan that I had been planning all this while with them in my house? I mean, with my old mother and retarded brother? Wouldn’t it be inconvenient for me? That’s what I had been trying to say.

For almost an hour we spent our time together at that side of the lake and what happened after that was what actually the thing that I was eager to tell all of you about. It’s the can boy, and our meeting, that had changed my life in total.

We were about to leave, when a tiny voice suddenly broke.

"err, can you give me the cans?" I turned to my right side, and saw him standing, tired yet determined. I assumed he was at his age of 8 or 7. My gaze fell down to the plastic bag with empty cans at his right hands.

He smiled. A very thin, worried, and awkward smile, but he didn’t look afraid at me, nor at my fiancé. My fiancé gave me the plastic with our leftovers and empty cans, a sign telling me to just give away the cans to the boy.

I took out the cans and handed them over to him.

"here you go." He took it happily and I could see that my not-really-big action had brought happiness in him.

He thanked me repeatedly but before he could go away, I stopped him.

"may I ask? How old are you?" I asked with the warmest style I could ever do so that he wouldn’t feel offended and he could see my sincerity.

He didn’t answer straight away, but he looked worried and insecure upon listening to my question.

I smiled.

"don’t be afraid. I won’t harm you. I mean it. I just want to know." I assured him, and he looked a little bit relieved, fortunately.

"I’m 7 years old." The tone had confidence.

I nodded.

"what are you doing here, alone, collecting cans? Where are your parents? You shouldn’t be doing this." I expressed my disagreement but with the most relax tone I could ever do.

He wasn’t the one who should be blamed. His parents were. I didn’t like seeing little boy like him earning something for his stomach when he shouldn’t be doing that. Let alone collecting cans. How outrageous!

"I have to sis. My mother passed away and my father had lost his two legs. Now, I’m looking after him. I collect cans so that he could sell it when the Mamak comes and asks for cans. That’s all I could do for him, for the time being. Well, you know, grown-ups could earn more money and I wish I’m 20 years old."

I was taken aback. Silence got me, and I was totally speechless. He, the 7 years old boy was the breadwinner of the family plus taking care of his handicapped father and he could still do it without complaint.

But me? And all my thoughts about my old mother and retarded brother? Oh my God, what had I done? I couldn’t utter a word at that moment, but looking at him blankly.

"sis, may I go now?" he asked politely, and then I realized that I was still there, in front of him, and he was looking at me suspiciously by my sudden silence.

"yes, you may go. Work hard boy," my last words for him.

And then, I kept silent again. I thought my sudden silence had also made my fiancé worried.

"Dian, are you okay?"

"yeah, I’m fine."

"Dian, are you troubled by the boy’s words?" well, he sure knew how to read me well.

"yeah, a little bit."

He didn’t answer me, and I didn’t bother to make him answer me. I looked into his eyes.

"Azmil, I think, what you said is very much true. I’m sorry, for getting mad at you earlier when you were talking about my brother and my mother." He smiled warmly.

"it’s ok dear. I’m not mad at all. People make mistakes." His words didn’t comfort me at all.

"I think I want them to live with us when we get married." Sternly, I said this. He looked shocked, but he didn’t say a word of rejection.

"ok." That’s all.

"ok," that was my reply.

And after the next half an hour, we went our separate ways. I went straight home, with the can boy’s words lingering in my mind. I just couldn’t stop thinking about him, and his kindness, determination, and honesty. Unlike me. Well, I had everything you could say in life, stable career, assets, everything, and I’m getting married. How on earth could I ever think of abandoning my own family, especially my mother, after everything she had gone through her whole life to give me my current life?

Ya Allah, please forgive me! And I kept thinking of going back to my hometown, to hug my mother, whom I hadn’t met for the last 2 months straight. And my brother, whom I know, was afraid of me as I kept yelling at him, as I was annoyed looking at him acting like 7 years old child when he was actually already a young man. Pity him. And pity me. For thinking bad of him.

What’s worse was the fact that my fiancé was far off better than me, in thinking about my family’s future. He thought about it, when he didn’t have the same blood as us running in his blood vessels. How could I let myself be a jerk like that? Oh my God!

I kept repenting myself all the way back home, and I kept thinking of going back to my hometown, to meet my mother, and hug my brother. Suddenly, my phone rang.

Azmil. We were talking just now and he was calling me again? Must be something serious.

"hello,"

No answer.

"hello, Azmil?"

Still just the sound of the air. Weird, he called me and yet he was not talking?

And suddenly his voice came out, but he wasn’t calling my name. It was another girl’s name.

"lisa, I’m sorry. I have to marry her. We agreed on that before, right?"

My heart beat was pounding faster, as I heard this very statement. Who was ‘her’ and what was the agreement about? Most importantly, who was Lisa?

What on earth was happening? Did Azmil happen to miss-dial my number when he actually had no intention of calling me?

"Azmil, we agreed on that but I don’t think I can wait any longer. My parents are asking and you know what they are like!"

Wow! This girl must be very mad of Azmil.

I heard his sigh and I didn’t have any intention to end the call as I was keen to know about their content of conversation. I wanted to know the whole picture. I had the right to know, after all.

"Lisa please. You know my photos are not doing very well know. I need her, at least for financial support. Whatever it is, she is my only hope now, to marry you, you know that." He was begging, oh yes he did.

Silence. Well, well, now I know why he was clinging to me very bad lately. And he seemed to look forward for the wedding more than I did, and his intention was obvious now. He didn’t love me, he loved my money, and another girl. Maybe it wasn’t courtesy after all, but it was bribery. He was bribing me now for my money.

"Azmil, I don’t know, I don’t care. If you want to marry me, you have until the end of the month to prove it. Otherwise, I’m sorry. I’ll have to marry that guy. Sorry Azmil."

"Lisa, Lisa, please.."

And I wouldn’t want to listen any further. I ended the call and took a deep breath. Oh Allah, what was it that you wanted to tell me today? That I had done so many sins and now I’m punished for that?

Well, I didn’t know, but I was sure about something. That life was a matter of choice and now, I had to choose. I dialled his number.

"hello," his voice sounded weak. He must be very upset about Lisa. For sure.

"hi Azmil," on the other hand, my voice was confident. And I was in euphoria.

"yes, dear, what is it?" that sounded insincere.

‘well, I think, I can’t marry you. I want to call off the wedding.’ Confidently, the words kept coming out from my mouth.

"what?!"

"yes, Azmil, you’re not day-dreaming, I’m sorry, but I want to call off the wedding. We are not meant for each other, and yes Azmil, I’m serious." I ended the call without waiting for his reply.

I smiled all the way back home, and then I realized, I was driving back to my hometown, not to my house. Mother! Wait for me!

***********

5 months passed by. I was still here, reading my John Grisham on the bench beside the lake. My brother? He was playing happily with Asrul, the can boy who was now the new member of my family at the playground. I took him in, together with his father. I enrolled him in a nice school, and I got a place for his father where people like him were trained for hand-skills, so that he could make use of his hands, a gift from God.

Azmil? Never heard of him after that. He never called. I didn’t wish him to call me either. My mother? She was resting at my house, with my maid. I took them to live in with me, all of them.

Weird was it? How people changed your life. It was just a matter of whether you would give yourself a room to change. Well, it was always a matter of choice. Life was. And I know for sure, what happened to me was not a punishment, it was a gift after all. A gift in a story of me, a can boy and him. Him, Allah. My ultimate love. No regret, live life to the fullest Dian. Love what you have, and live for it. Just listen, and you will hear it. The voice of your life.


p/s: my first attempt writing in English fully. comments are mostly welcome! sorry if there are verbs that are not in past tense. maybe have overlooked at this post. after all, its 2.06 a.m. and my eyes are hardly opening...;) happy reading!